So I hope all of you had a much more restful night of sleep that my little one and I had. Even though my boy is past nightly feedings there are still a few nights when I hear little cries calling me out of my slumber.
Last night was one of those nights. While I was trying to settle him down the only thought going through my mind, aside from juggling a bottle and stuffed animal, was what I had to do the next day and how exhausted this was going to make me. I know that I am not alone in those thoughts and feelings. I know that I am one of the millions of working moms who gets up everyday, puts on a perfect pair of heels and pretends like I have had all of the sleep in the world. But this got me to thinking, what does it really mean to be a working mom?
I know for me it means balancing a full day of work, night events and endless conference calls while trying to help my little man develop into the brightest, smartest and most intelligent baby of them all. It is no easy feat. Every time I’m making a business decision I’m constantly wondering what he is doing. Each project I accept leaves me wondering what the impact it will have on him will be. Every appearance I do leaves me worried that I’m spending too much time with other people and not enough time with him.
I am smart enough to know that these thoughts are irrational and that I am a good mother. I provide him with a safe, comfortable home; endless amounts of love and know that my job is what will help him keep these comforts and lifestyle going. I know that the harder I work translates into a better life for him.
I know that he loves me and that he understands. His smiles and babble show me that he could not love me anymore. I just have to remember that that little smile and those little kisses are why I work as hard as I do. I have to remember that every decision I make is not only for me but is for our family. The fine dancing act that I am doing between work and motherhood is also about more than ensuring a decent lifestyle. I am showing my son what perseverance means, what a hard work ethic is like and how to be a kind person even in the face of obstacles.
Am I alone in this struggle? Do any of you fight these same feelings? I would love to hear your comments.
Actress, model, active humanitarian, & Mom! Author of 'Everyday Chic'.